The Myth of the Quality of Make-up Sex

I’ve always heard that makeup sex is great.  can’t agree.  You’re both tense and emotionally sensitive.  Nerves are raw.  One wrong move or errant comment can lead to brooding or tears.  It’s like saying the best time to drive a Porsche is after you’re in a 10 car pile-up.

Now beach vacation sex – that’s another story.  You’ve caught up on sleep, you’re relaxed, you’re refreshed….that’s a different story.

Pen and Pencil Sets

They really should be pen and pen sets.

What grown up uses a pencil anymore.  Draftsmen use computers.  No one gets penciled in.  What with personal organizers everyone is digitized in.  Does anyone besides school kids use pencils for math anymore?

My father gave me a pen and pencil set for Christmas.  It’s hand made – at least the wood is hand made.  He turned it on a lathe.  That’s the way to say “turning it”.  Very fancy.  Looks good.  Writes well.  Clients ask about it.

Any way, I thought I lost the pen yesterday.  It was found on my dresser.  I’ve lost the pen to every pen and pencil set I’ve gotten – for high school graduation, for college graduation, for a promotion.  The pencils however remained because they aren’t used.

I had decided to start carrying fancy pen again because I haven’t lost the Swiss Army knife or lighter I’ve been carrying for the last year.  I thought I was grown up enough to now carry a pen without losing it.  So far so good.

But scratch the pencil and make it a pen and pen set because I’m not going to use the pencil and – if I’m still irresponsible – I’ll lose the pen soon enough so may as well make it a pen and pen set so the gift last twice as long.

Talking About the Weather

I’m tired of people talking about the weather.

I live in Cincinnati.  In the winter it gets cold, in the spring it rains, in the summer it’s humid.  There’s nothing much to say.  Talking about the weather like each season is a surprise serves no purpose except to annoy me.

The next person who says something incipid to me about the weather like “Cold out there, eh?  27 degrees.”  I’m going to say, “No kidding, it’s January you idiot” and stare at him until he realizes his stupidity.

New Year’s Resolutions

So far I’m keeping them.  I have a few – but only two that I’ll make public.

The first was to be more well read.  On a nightstand In the bedroom where my wife and I sleep when we stay with my father-in-law is a door stop of a biography of Charles Dickens.  It seems to have gone out of print.  For the last several years it has sat there giving me a Emile Zola-esque J’accuse.  You see, I call myself a writer – but I’ve never read a word of Dickens.

So my goal was to spend the year reading a few Dicken’s novels.  On Jan. 2 I picked up Oliver Twist from the library.

In a twist of it’s own, Dickens has helped me with my second public resolution – to get more sleep.

Chapter Four of Twist – where in the Beadle and the undertaker, Mr. Sowerberry, discuss where Mr. Sowerberry should take Oliver – is better than a cocktail or any pill in getting a 21st century guy to sleep.

Hope your resolutions are working out just as well.

Totalitarians of Grammar

When I write, I write for readability.  If you have to re-read a sentence of mine, I’ve not done my job.  But there are some out there that want the rules to be followed no matter how unclear the writer’s intent or just plain bad the writing becomes.

A guy in my office said he was recently e-scolded by someone he emailed because he ended a sentence with a preposition.  I offered him the (probably apocryphal) response Winston Churchill offered up, “This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.”

Just last week, an editor chided me for the that v. which argument.  I can never remember which is which and thus don’t care.  However, I read a language column today that offered up a solution.  Can you get any more authoritative that the King James Bible?  I’d say no.  That and the bard are the fountain of modern literature.

Here’s similar passages from three different gospels:

Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s. – Matthew 22:21

Then there’s this….

And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to CAESAR the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him. – Mark 12;17

Ok…. How about another one.

And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s, and unto God the things which be God’s. – Luke 20:25

The answer to that v. which – it just don’t matter.  I just wish I had this prepped when my editor emailed me.  The lesson from this week’s Gospel:  sometimes “which” sounds better and sometimes “that” sounds better.  All’s good just as long as you understand what the writer (me) is trying to tell you.

Social Networking for the Asocial

I opened an account on twitter today.  I also have an account on facebook, linked in, facebook, and something called Plaxo.  I’ve got the social networking thing covered.

But it doesn’t interest me at all.  I only do this stuff out of a sense of obligation that at some point, I won’t be able to make the next necessary technological move.

It’s sort of like my grandfather.  I asked him – in the early 80s – to go see a movie.  He said he doesn’t go to moves and hadn’t in years.  Why not, I asked. “Because the quite making Clark Gable movies”  Oh.  He’d stopped.  He couldn’t make the leap to..who – Jack Lemon?  Paul Newman? – I don’t know, but I don’t want Twitter to be my Dustin Hoffman.

I must learn this social networking thing even thought being social holds limited appeal to me.   Being social you’ve got to tlak to people and invariably they get annoying about their politics, religion, their kids – or worst of all – their pets.  I’d like to avoid that.

Listening In

I like to listen in on folks from time to time…ok…a lot.  I guess you could call it eavesdropping, but I think of eavesdropping as listening in on something important – grand jury depositions, meetings of the joint chiefs of staff, human resources performance reviews, things like that.

No, I listen in on everyday conversations.  Oftentimes this happens at the grocery store.  A common theme lately is “things were better way back when.”  However, the way back when in my sampling seems to range from anywhere from 1965 to 1999.

I think this is a lack of knowing history.  Not in the sense that those who cannot remember the past are condemned to have George Santayana quoted back at them.  But more in the sense of rose colored glasses.  Bad perceptions of the present are always the victim of idealized remembrances of the past.

This seems to spark a great discontentment in people.  The buddhist have a lot of say about this, I know.

For me, I seem to be programmed just the opppostie.  the past always sucked; let’s get on with the future.  It’s pointed another way, but Just as sick.

A Fortunate Life

I had a realization while driving today:

I’ve never been so rich that I could pass up honest work.

But neither have I ever been so broke that I’ve needed to cheat someone.

A nice, happy medium so far although I’m working on rectifying the first.

I guess that’s a fortunate life.

Cocktail Experience-Vodka Martini

The Divine Mrs. M. and I hosted another Cocktail Experience featuring the Vodka Martini.  With Quantum of Solace just out, I used a James Bond theme.  I’m a Bond fan, but not so much a Vodka Martini fan.

I don’t understand Vodka.  I haven’t found a way to enjoy it.  The closest I’ve come is our alternate drink from last night, The Divine’s French Martini.  Give it a shot.  Here’s the recipe:

2 oz of Vodka
1/2 oz of Frambroise (Raspberry Liqueur)
1/2 oz of Pineapple juice
shake well.  Serve up in a chilled glass.  Peel the skin off a lemon, fold it and rub together.  This will drop some of the oils into the drink.  Then drop the skin into the drink.  Enjoy.

Taunting the Elderly

I’ll be a terrible old person.

For what seems like the 10th year, I took my 7 year old daughter to a retirement home for her dance troupe to perform.  I’m told this is kindness, but it really seems like taunting the elderly.  These girsl – from 3 to 14 or so come in a dance for – in this case women – in walkers and wheelchairs dragging oxygen tanks and IV bags behind them.

If I was one of these old people I’d be mad at these kids coming in a flaunting their youth, their energy, and intact hips at me.  Why don’t you go eat your Thanksgiving dinner at a soup kitchen and not give any away – just let them watch?I’d scream.  Or why not go to a Solzhenitsyn-esque cancer ward to bruch your long flowing locks in from of the chemo patients?

At least that’s what I’d think if I was one of these people.

But they just clapped.